Feeling trapped

The last week has been a bit of a challenge for me…. I am feeling very alone and trapped.

I feel alone, because, even though I know people here, I do not have any close friends.  The people I like the most and want to be with are elsewhere… either in another city, or mostly, in another country.  I have been trying to get better at the language but I have been failing pretty badly.  Someday…. maybe…

I feel trapped because there are some things blocking my way from leaving and moving on.  These are mainly a dog I do not want, and never really wanted, and lack of funds.

Buster is a great dog.  I do care about him but, he is big, he is black, and he scares most Ecuadorians.  This means I have to keep him locked in a small room for a large part of the day.  I feel sad and frustrated about this.  My biggest frustration is I NEVER WANTED A DOG… and the people who are complaining the most are the people who gave him to me.

I am searching to find a new home for him, but, in the mean time, I have to restrict what I do so that he can be cared for properly.

I could move to another apartment, but that has another whole level of time, effort and expense I really don’t want to deal with.  But this may be a step I have to take.

Which brings up funds.  I live OK in Ecuador, but I do not have a lot of excess income… at least not enough to afford to get out of Ecuador and back to Canada or anywhere else in the world I might want to go.  Basically I am trapped here. I want to visit Canada this year but I doubt if that is going to happen. I might be able to do it if I sell my Moto ( not a bad idea) and my camera equipment.

I have tried ways to increase my income, but they all have depended on other people to hold up their end of a bargain.  I don’t know why, but I am always disappointed when other people don’t come through.  With all the disappointments I have had in my life, you would think I would know better than to expect to be able to count on anyone.

Tied into this is a major shit storm brewing at school that I don’t want to be part of but, with the dog and limited funds, I can’t really escape from.  If things were going better at school the other issues I may be able to deal with, but…….